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I was dealing
Texas Hold'em to a table of regulars. A couple of players dropped out and
were replaced by a pair of brash young women who turned out to be emplyees
of one of the casinos downstate. The were not exactly incognito, in fact
the blonde seemed unable to go more than 60 seconds without attracting the
table's attention in whatever way she could.
Sam, who was sitting to her left, was playing along. He noticed her tattoo
and remarked in a loud voice, "Excuse me ma'am, but did you know you
have writing on your butt?" She promptly stood up and turned around
to show the whole table her tattoo, while explaining that he day she got
it she was wearing "silk pants" that slid down so far that the
tattoo was in the wrong place (which was why she came to be standing at my
poker table nearly dropping her drawers).
The retired attorney on her right, who is accustomed to his share of the
limelight, wait for the uproar to die down before he offers "Well, I
also have a tattoo." He waits another moment, then kind of casually
starts again. "You should see my tattoo. It has a T and an A, but
when I get excited it says 'Ticonderoga'."
Blondie apparently can't spell or do math because the joke goes right over
her
head, but the rest of us were
chuckling for a while.
I'm dealing a
1/2 blind NL holdem game today. I watch these 2 guys go at it.
Bet 25, call
Bet 50, raise 50, call
All in, Call
Board shows 10 9 10 9 J
Seat 1 shows A 8 hearts
Seat 6 shows 6 spades 6 hearts
I kill seat 6's cards as 2 pair with Ace kicker wins.
Seat 6 says....But I have 3 pairs, why dont I win? And he's being serious.
Now let me remind you, this is a NO LIMIT game that I'm dealing. He
couldn't figure out that he was playing the board. I'm like sir. even if
you had 10's and 6's, you lose to his 10's and 9's with the Ace.
Man was he pissed, but the table was laughing it up pretty good.
Seriously I thought it was
three pairs, thank you.
I had a similar situation, the board,
2, 5, 7, 2, 7. At showdown the 2 players show an ace each, the second
proudly announces his 8 kicker wins him the pot, I thank all the players
for calling the hand then I say “here’s an idea maybe I should call
hands, if you don’t mind next time you come in to the card room please
leave your crack pipe at home”.
Thank you for the grammer lesson....
:^)
I couldn't believe what I just heard. After
dealing dice/snapper for years, I was recently a break-in on low-stakes
poker.
One of my fellow break-ins was on the table directly behind me. About 20
minutes into the push on a 1-2 limit hold 'em game, she STILL had not made
her first dollar in tokes.
I hear behind me, "Brush, I need eight open seats!"
She was so pissed off that she set the decks and closed the damned table
while the players sat there and watched her do it. She even told some of
them they should consider playing online!
How's that for bold?
The best part -- the room was so busy the supervisors never found out it
happened... she still works there today!
In a 10-20 Hold'em
game at the Mirage, a drunk was beginning to get out of hand.
"Well that was one pussy-pink river card from you dealer!" he
bellowed after missing a flush.
The dealer beheld the drunk gravely; "Sir, there is a young lady at
the table. If you don't control your language, you will have to
leave."
On the next hand, the drunk doesn't improve his set on the flop and looses
to a straight. "Jesus Christ! Why don't you just light my fucking
wallet on fire pinhead!"
The dealer was absolutely at his limit; "Sir, I'm telling you for the
last time; there is a young lady at the table! Control your language or
you will be escorted out of here!"
On the following hand, every player in the game wades into the pot. There
are raises and caps on every card. In the end, the drunk sucks out an
inside straight and wins the 10-20 pot of the month. The drunk looks out
over his pile of chips at the dealer and asks, "Do you boys pool your
tips together or do you keep them for yourselves?"
The dealer replies "All dealers here keep their own tips."
The drunk tosses two green chips at the dealer and says with a grin;
"Well have a Goddamn toke on me, motherfucker."
The dealer picks up the $50, turns to the young woman and says,
"Miss, I'm afraid you'll have to leave the table."
Q: How do you get a professional poker
player off your porch?
A: Pay him for the Pizza!
Q: How can you tell a poker player is lying?
A: His chips are moving.
Q: Heard of the Los Angeles poker hand?
A: Four Clubs beat a King
Q: What is the difference between a poker player and a dog.
A: In about ten years the dog quits whinning.
Q: What is the difference between a poker room and a church?
A: When you pray in a poker room, you really mean it!!
Three ninth grade girls go into a poker room, a blond, a brunette and a
redhead.....
Q: The brush chases the redhead and the brunette out, but not the
blond.....Why??
A: She is 23....
A young man was in a card
room one day with his new girlfriend. It's their first date and everything
is going well, barring the occasional period of silence. The girlfriend
goes to "powder her nose" and while she is away, the young man
spots somebody at another table that looks incredibly like Mike "Mad
Genius" Caro. So, he pops over and approaches Mike.
"Excuse me," says the young man, "but you half look like
Mike Caro. I don't suppose....."
"Well," interrupts Mike, "actually, I am Mike Caro."
Well, the young man is almost speechless, but does continue, "Look
Mike, I think you're great. I've got all your books and videos and blah,
blah, blah, etc......could you do me a favor?"
"What ever you want," says Mike.
"Well, you see I'm at another table with my new girlfriend and it
would really impress her if you would just come up to me and say, 'Hello
Steve'."
"Sure, no problem." says Mike.
So Steve rushes back to his table and his girlfriend returns. A few
moments later, over pops Mike to their table and goes up to Steve.
"Hi Steve, how you doing?" says Mike.
Steve looks up and says, "Oh, fuck off, Mike.
Just a quick one, Blinds are $2 $4 on seats
1 & 2, call, call fold .....RAISE . I get around to the big blind, he
says " who raised ?" I reply " the player with eight
dollars in front of him".
One more, bets are going around checks , bets raises you get the idea, on
the river starts of checking around last to act bets, big blind is
ordering a drink then starts chatting up the server, I say" Sir, what
would you do if it was your turn?".
I'll bet that every dealer
out here has done 1or 2 goofy things, at the moment mine eludes me, lol.
We have all seen the village, oops, casino idiot doing something that is
off the wall. Firstly I’d like to explain to anybody reading that
isn’t a casino employee, there is day to day common sense and then there
is gaming common sense.
For Poker dealer’s game protection, does anybody think it is ok to turn
the deck upside down while in a hand? I’m guessing none, where I work
right now there was a guy was about 3 days older than dirt, been dealing
for a couple of years.
I was a suit at the time, I walk past the game and out of the corner of my
eye I see him roll his deck over, I can see the next 2 maybe 3 cards off
the top of the deck, as I’m hauling over to the table he does the river,
I call for a dealer and drag his butt in the office. The Manager saw the
look on my face (a little pissed), and asked what was wrong, I explained
FRED (not real name) was going to show him. I gave FRED a deck and placed
5 chips on the office table to his left, I asked him to move the chips
closer to him, he grabbed at the chips while rolling the deck over
exposing 2 cards. The Manager was hot; he (nicely) kicked me out of the
office and told me it would be dealt with.
I’m guessing you all probably don’t see the humor in this situation,
well what is funny is that trying to be nice to the old guy I had pulled
him aside 3 or 4 maybe 5 times and told him to take care of it. I didn’t
want him to get written up for a horse sh*t reason. Little did I know he
was already on final warning for this exact reason.
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