I have a butt load of stories,
Here is one from a casino boat on the east coast of Fl about 14/15 years ago.
I was sailing over to Freeport Bahamas, the weather had taken a turn for the not so good, I’m working the Roulette table minding my own biz when this young guy is staggering around like he is ready to hurl, in mid spin I politely point out to him the location of the nearest men’s room, he takes a quick breath and collects himself and seems to be, okay.

 His buddy was on the table with me and wasn’t remotely interested in the condition of his friend. The seasick guy really seemed to be doing ok the color was returning to his cheeks, the sweats had calmed down, I really thought he was ok, until I spun the wheel real fast (requested by the guy playing), as soon as I let go of the ball I look up to see the dudes facial color GONE! 

He was as white as a ghost, the sweat was pissing out of him, as I grab for the ball and call no spin the floor looks inside the wheel and asks what’s up, as I drop below the table I say “not me” just as the dude lets go, in to a fast spinning wheel.
It was a mess, I was the only one not covered.

The Floor wrote me up for not protecting my game, after I signed it,  I asked the Manager what he would have done, he said “exactly the same as you did, the floor was pissed because he was there not you, your game was protected by him, this write up is gone”
I heard at a later date the floor had screwed a couple of other dealers, my write up had caused the Manager to look further in to the other complaints they had, the suit was demoted.

A few years ago there was this dealer who gained a little weight. Anyway, one late night he split his pants at the crotch while on break. He goes to the uniform room and the lady says all she can do is sew them with the machine.

I go with him to the locker room and he hands me his trousers and I give them to the wardroom lady to sew. I went back to the EDR and continued watching sports center on ESPN then went back to the floor.

Shit, I forgot about him. Oh well, he'll figure something out.

Apparently nobody came into the locker room soon enough. The uniform room closed at midnight and like all hotel employees, when its time to go home ...she did.

That was the highlight of the night knowing this guy was sitting in there half naked in the locker room with nowhere to go!

Here's my truly heroic story. I worked back east I'll leave it at that. We got a warning from day shift if there was going to be a pop quiz (drug test) and we would have to leave the property and go to a medical facility.

This particular day security was just having dealers tapped off their games and escorted them to the E.D.R and it was done right there. Well I'm not much of a druggy but I like weed........alot. So obviously I'm sweating bullets for my first two hours of my shift cuz by now I know what is going on and you could have gotten high by drinking my pee so I'm pretty rattled.

Sure enough I got a tap that wasn't for my break. I get escorted down stairs and see about 10-15 dealers that looked a little down and were all drinking water cuz they couldn't pee for some odd reason. I'm like @#%$ fire I'm screwed.

They hand me a cup and I walk toward the bathroom making eye contact with all my guilty friends as if saying good bye. I'm in the bathroom pacing back and fourth because obviously the "I cant go" excuse isn't working and there is no way my piss is going in a cup. 

Then it hit me ......I pissed in the cup and walked out of the bathroom and tripped over my own feet and spilled my piss all over me, the nurse and a couple of coworkers (who happened to be clean)

 Well I start apologizing to everyone as I'm wiping my self off with whatever I could grab. The nurse was shocked. They obviously couldn't make me stay there with piss all over me and the nurse sure as hell wasn't gonna stay there, so she left and they took the list of names to use again the next day.

Well someone said that it wasn't random at that point so we all got off. And to this day none of my friends believe I did it on purpose. Still though I was the hero of the week. I dumped piss all over me and smelled like a rose..................kinda

I was dealing cards to a bunch of old fellows on pai gow today. I had a few seconds while they set their hands up so I began to softly sing this old Janis Joplin tune.
" Oh Lord wont you buy me a Mercedes Benz"
and as if we had practiced three of the ol guys sang back in unison " My friends all drive Porche's I must make amends"
I giggled because it was a truly silly moment. One of the guys says to me
"Hey don't stop!"
So I continued ...

I worked hard all my life time
players (in unison): no help from my friends
together: oh LORD wont you buy me a Mercedes Benz!

It was hilarious! A table of guest to the right and left me me all were listening and started laughing and clapping at our little pai gow quartet. Needless to say my supervisors were laughing too, and I got tons of tokes that hour. If it could always be so fun huh?

From the forum....

Ah, roulette balls. Those little mystical spheres that defy physics in the most confusing of ways.

I'll admit I've managed some pretty strange things with that little marble. A few nights ago I rallied a shot between a pair of slot machines some thirty feet away from the wheel, behind a trash can. There was only an inch or two of space between those machines, too. I've also heard plenty of stories at our house of roulette balls making their way to the snack bar (a good forty, fifty foot shot, depending), almost out the front door, and what not, or balancing on the upraised part of the wheel, landing in cupholders...

What's your Best Shot, folks?

The other day I went to spin the ball, but dropped it in the wheel. I said "No spin," then grabbed it and tried to spin it again really fast. The ball goes flying out of the wheel, it hits an ashtray on the roulette table and then bounces back into the wheel. I was stunned for a second, and the players looked at me, I said no spin and grabbed it. Was funny.

Shortly after I learned roulette I was having a bad day on the wheel, not getting good spins the first time around. I brought my hand forward to spin and the ball slipped over the edge and flew out of the wheel. I called "no spin" as I watched the ball's path, and it so happened that the exact middle of the forehead of the guy sitting on the far end of the table was in that path. While apologizing profusely and I calling the floor to get the guy a comp drink I looked for the ball. After about 10 seconds of looking the customer said "It's right in front of you". It had bounced back and come to rest right in front of the value cheques. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide for the rest of my rotation.

Learning to spin the ball left handed was a real bitch for me. I could not do it, period. I threw the ball out several times either hitting customers or off the table completely. You would have thought the players would have gone to another game (we have 3 roulette tables.) No, they insisted on staying. Perhaps they enjoyed my inadequacy but in any event, I asked the floor to switch me to a right handed game. I eventually sought counsel form another dealer and have since mastered the technique of the left handed spin, but it was really embarrassing to be a total screw up on the game.

Ah yes, I've accidentally clocked people upside the head with a few shots...my first night dealing, I accidentally got a guy in the neck. It wasn't so bad till I hit him again, in the chest...oops.

A man in a suit coat was standing and watching his wife play. He was turned slightly towards her at the end of the table. I spun the ball and the ball went flying straight into the side pocket of his coat! He was in awe when I asked him that I needed my ball back, he did not notice that it flew in his pocket...it was like a crazy magic trick.

Another time I spun the ball, and was watching the layout, waiting for the sound of the ball dropping. I heard the ball clink around and stop. I looked over to see what number it landed in....the ball was resting on the wheelhead right above the value cheques!! Talk about a level wheel, the ball didnt roll off the wheelhead, it just sat there, perfectly...it was very weird looking!

I have been dealing blackjack in Milwaukee, WI for about 6 months now and really enjoy the job. Reading about all the humorous stories that are posted encouraged me to share one that had happened to me the other night.

The kid sitting on 3rd base was celebrating his 21st birthday and showing off to his HOT girlfriend how much he knew about being a high roller in a casino. It was a $5 table and he bought in for $50.

He was playing ok until I dealt him a pair of 5s against my queen. He placed an additional $5 by his bet and said "split 'em". I took his additional bet and placed it to the right of the original bet and questioned him, "Did you say split 'em"? His reply was, "yep, split 'em". I told him that I heard him but the cameras need to hear him; however, before I could explain about hand signals, he looked straight up at the cameras and shouted, "SPLIT 'EM!!!"

The pit boss, floor, and everyone else in ear shot couldn't stop laughing. No, no sir, we are not laughing at you....

And of course you know the rest of the story....I flip over a 2 for twelve, hit 2 more dueces for 16 and top it off with a 5 for 21. I stood at a dead table for the rest of the shift.

I was dealing 4-card poker a few months ago and had this couple wander up to the table. Both were several shots beyond the drunk mark. Anyway, I dealt the hand and turned up an Ace as my "up" card. The male player looks at his hand and then slides the front card to the back 4-5 times. Finally, he places his bet. I turn over my hand and have an Ace-Jack-high hand. I flip the players and he had King-Queen-Jack nothing. I asked him why he played the hand........he replied, "I thought you were bluffing".

Our company is opening a new casino shortly and we are inundated with new dealers. The other night, upon calling shuffle, a rookie BJ dealer frantically searched her tray for reserve buttons for the players that didn't want to sit and watch her shuffle. Apparently, the blackjack school that she attended used purple reserve markers, so she calmly plucked out four $500.00 chips and placed one on each vacated space.

Well I was watching 2 full roulette tables and 3 full BJ tables. I worked in a break-in joint at the time.
"Floor!"
"Whaaaat?"
"I have to shuffle."
"Go ahead"
"How do I get the cards out?"
"Wha?!?!"
Dumb bitch put her discards in drop box.
I Called security to close the table and pull the box and make her follow them to soft count to pull all the cards out. Count them, sort them and box them up to bring them back to the pit to cancel the out.
I'm a nice guy I try to help people ... this was gonna be her lesson until the next day when she did it on 3 Card and I had a write up in the office for not watching my games.

She lasted only 2 more pushes.

We have a certain dealer who is a nightmare, he's been doing it eight years and is still useless. For example...once he was in the middle of a large blackjack hand, the guy on one of the last boxes handed over a wad of cash to make up enough for a double-down
The dealer counted the cash in front of him, OVER THE TOP OF THE DEALERS CARD!, Then paid out the amount, scooped up the cash and down the drop box it went,

Cards too.

He looked down, realized what he had done, put hand on forehead and just said "uhh"

I was working in a casino a few years back and we had an older lady dealer who was a real ditz. One day she was told in the scheduling office to go check rack. She went to the coat check area and hung up coats all day.

The other day I got off of craps for the first time in 3 months and was grinding away to a bunch of miserable blackjack players....this one lady is particularly obnoxious as I take all her money. Each time she moans something at me, I give it right back. After one nasty exchange she says "if you ,were my husband, I'd poison your orange juice."

 I reply "if you were my wife I'd drink it"

I was ridiculously sick the other night (flu or something) and I had taken just about every pill I could find.... and I was messed up BAD. I don't think I could have told you my own name. Dealing these games, you don't really have to think anyway- repetition, repetition, repetition. Yeah. I tap into a full game of Crazy 4 Poker, and after dealing to these players for a while... well into my hour there (don't ask me how long)- I took the cards from the shuffle master, cut them Poker-style and proceeded to pitch them to the players. I caught myself doing it about three players in. 

"Floor!" Damnit.

That was a hard one to explain. I got out shortly after. Thank God for the EO list.

I wonder if the "random" drug test that I will surely be taking tomorrow screens for NyQuil.... Yeah. I was desperate and would have taken bleach if I thought it might make me feel better.

I heard a story from one of the suits at my joint that on a $10 game there was one player and he was on a hot streak, playing the minimum only. then a regular big bettor walks up to the table and ask the player can i get in? the $10 player says do u mind waiting a few hands, I'm kinda on a hot streak. The high roller looks at him and in the most sarcastic voice says "fuck you" so he throws a purple down and plays it. high roller loses 

$10 player wins this happens twice more. then the high roller asks the $10 player if he could just put his purple under his $10 bet. well he agrees and he gets a 20. the player says "HIT IT" the high roller goes nuts and asks why the hell did u hit that 20?

 The $10 bettor just looks at him and says really sarcastic "FUCK YOU"

I witnessed this one at Foxwoods with some friends.

My friends are playing at a $15 Bj game. At foxwoods they let you "Play behind" so up to 3 players can place bets behind yours, and you have no choice, but only the original bettor is in charge of the hand.

This one guy was being a real dick to the table and trying to be the table coach. My buddy bets $25, the guy puts $500 behind his. My buddy now gets a 20 with the dealer showing a 7.

Buddy looks at miserable prick and says "give me 100 or I hit this now".

Miserable prick goes off! My buddy tells the dealer.."HIT ME!" and pounds the table. MP says "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" and flips my buddy a black chip.

Best part, the hand pushed, dealer had 73 and pulled a 10. MP got really pissed and said something about shills and this f'in place and stormed off.

Ahh it was great!

Couple of nights ago, they had me dealing blackjack in "the ghetto" as we call it in our casino. Things got pretty bad as the shoe went way south, but the players were still having a good time. As I start the deal for the next hand, I pull ace up and open insurance to the table. Right from the start one of the players, being a real wiseguy puts up his nickel for insurance and says, Well.. We know ya got it, so just gimme the pay and call it a night. Cards go to the TA reader... I look up and smile smugly. The player says, See! Told ya!. I remove the cards, straighten them up and say with a smile, that's gonna cost ya 5 for the joke. His buddies at the table refused to let him live it down after.

Lemme tell you about a good bj story....a couple of years ago I was dealing on a full $5 table, with a 3rd baseman who claimed to be a "pro". I love these guys. so as the game progresses, I see him doubling down on nothing lower than 12 no matter what I have showing, and losing his butt in the process...aside from a few lucky breaks. one particular hand, he is dealt two 6's. he has a $50 bet on the table and pushes out 50 more. I, going by his past play, ask if he is doubling, he says yes. so I give him, guess what, a 6!! I go on to my hand, and turn over a solid 20...2 face cards. and before I could go through the pay-take sequence, the genius pipes up "hey I wanted to split those...." this sounded like fun. so I call over the floor, who just happened to be someone who loves to mess with stupid people, and my floor says "you still want to split those?" the idiot says yes, and my floor says go for it.
so, after I begin the process with him, with the entire table laughing their asses off, I might add, making it very hard for me to keep a straight face, I can see the light bulb come on. he now realizes he has $150 on the layout and has to beat 20 no matter what!! so, to sum it all up, idiot loses a grand total of $200(there was one more 6 involved in the mix) and we all got one really good laugh.

My casino had just brought in handheld games. I came in at 8am for my second or third day of dealing pitch, hands still ice cold from waiting to clock-in outside. I was starting to gain some confidence, so as I pitch out the first round I'm chatting with a regular on first base. Not paying enough attention, all my training went out the window. I started to pull off my hole card from chest height, realized what as I doing, and accidentally let the card slip from my hand. It landed on it's side edge for a split second, then flopped face down onto the felt. I nervously look at the kid on first base to see if he caught it and he immediately throws in his 18 and shouts "Surrender!". 

Seat 2 gives him a funny look so first base says "He has it.". Seat 2 throws in his 17, "Surrender!". Seat 3 shows the kid his 20. "Good enough to push." so he tucks it. Finally third base, an older Hispanic woman, apparently oblivious to what had happened, is just staring at her cards. After a few seconds first base says "Whatcha got?" She shows the table her 16. All at once the other three players yell "SURRENDER!" She gives them a dirty look and says, "Surrendering is like throwing money away." and tucks her cards.

I was dealing 21 at the Fremont one night in 1999, I pushed my cards a little too hard into the reader and when I released them they both flipped. Only the floorman and I realized that the King of Diamonds I was showing before somehow became the King of Hearts. And no one understood why when asked what to do with their hands the floorman suggesting hitting their 18s and 19s.

True story ... in '58 or so, I was dealing at the Primm in Reno. We hired a gal 21 dealer, Sandy. She had been working at the old Golden in Reno. She had to quit.
One of the pits there surrounded the show room.
Sandy was married to a legitimate hypnotist, he did regular therapy and such, but he often hypnotized Sandy. I have seen him come in on a break, sit with her in the lounge, she wasn't feeling too good, say a few words, and her head would drop. Snap, she would wake up feeling great.
The Golden had a performer, Baron Von Brenner, a hypnotist.
Sandy would be dealing cards, a heavy curtain was between her and the stage, went all around the back of the room. I have seen it happen ..... she would be dealing .... he would say something .... Sandy would go to sleep .... gospel truth, she finally had to leave the Golden, and that is when she came to work at the Primm. She was a great gal, and a good dealer.
One evening she had a good game going, nice crowd, lots of drinks .... one player finally had too much, looked at her and said, "Sandy, I'd love to get in your pants."
"Sir, there is one ass-hole in there, and that's enough."
He didn't say a word the rest of the game .....

I dunno bout yall but I thought this was funny.. the lady bets $100 dollars and draws a 15 and I draw and ACE... asked for insurance and she bought full insurance. then as soon as I checked I didn't have blackjack, took her $50 insurance bet and then she surrendered her bet

My best was with some 18 year old kid playing single deck. sits down, obviously not knowing what he's doing...luckily he was the only one at the table. Just betting $10, nothing crazy. On his 3th hand, he scratches his cards for a hit. I put an ace in front of him. Then, I'm guessing not knowing how to figure out soft numbers, he flips his cards and asks me "What do I have?". He's holding an Ace King. I just said the first thing that popped into my mind: "Uhhhh....you HAD a blackjack....now you have 12!" So he asks me what to do. I was showing a 10, so I told him he should hit. Out comes another face card, and I scoop his money. Only really smart people can find a way to turn their blackjack into a 22. Isn't the first thing you learn about blackjack knowing what a blackjack is? I guess this kid had to pay $10 to find out the hard way.

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