DEALERS PAGE 10

As you probably know, if there's anyone in the world more superstitious than craps players it's the craps pit boss. When the dice were running hot in our pit, this one pit boss would do everything he could think of to try to change the 
table's luck. He would take of his suit jacket. Put it back on. Walk around his stool. Take his tie off. Walk all the way around the table. Put his tie back 
on. Have the box man check and recheck the dice.

One day nothing was working for him. The dice were running hot, and the players were raking in the dough, and the boss was sweating even more than usual. As a joke, when I want on break, I went to the podium, took a piece of paper, and wrote the word "shazam" on it. I crumpled up the paper and tossed it under the hot  craps table.

By shear coincidence, the very next roll was "Seven out, line away." The boss gave me a big smile as I left on my break. Later, when the game had broken up, I saw him crawl under the table and retrieve my wadded up paper. A few days later I saw him throw a crumpled paper under a table. I didn't have to look to know what was written on it.

Dead game. I tell the guys on the crew that I'm going to change my ways, turn over a new leaf, an attitude makeover!
The the pit boss comes over, interrupts the conversation and starts yapping about some change in procedure or something and I lost my train of thought.
When he leaves, the boxman asks me to finish the story at which I replied that I forgot what I was talking about. He says that means you were lying and you cant remember lies.
Then it hit me, I was going to say that I plan on greeting each customer with a cheery smile and wish them good luck and really mean it! Say hello to all co-workers in passing and truly respect the supervisors as human beings, maybe even buy the SM a fucking new tie or something!
Just be an all around nice guy! You know, be all that you can be?

Well,

He was right! It was a lie!

True story.  Shift manager walks into the pit at one o'clock in the morning and tells one of the floorman to call this number he has written down because his 15 year old son was in some kind of trouble. He hands the floorperson his cell phone. The supervisor calls the number only to find out that his 15 yr old is in juvenile hall drunk tank. Apparently the kid was out and about and got into a fight or something. Dad yells out "God dammit!" AND THROWS THE SHIFT MANAGERS PHONE 15-20 FEET INTO A BANK OF SLOT MACHINES!!!
Ummmmmmm not good.
The shift manager gave him an EO and remained calm. 
The next night the shift manager told everyone who asked about the incident that he didn't fire him. Figured he saved the kids life.

My name is Jim and my crew and I only had one player at the time when this happened. The "stick chick" who was on stick was going to retrieve the dice when the stick flew out of her hands. The floor boss went out of the pit and got it for her of course and was laughing so hard that he was crying. Mind you this "stick chick" is a vet dealer. So we went on with the game, and about five minutes later, she does it again. At this time I am about to piss myself from laughing so hard. But wait, it gets better guys and girls. After our floorperson got it for her the second time, he went and got some scotch tape and wrapped it around her hands and the stick. I thought that the patron was going to fall down he was laughing so hard. Needless to say we didn't get a tip out of the guy, but it was funny nevertheless.

I'm a dice dealer in a riverboat casino that deals with high-limit action in the dice pit on a regular basis. These are the types that start with a ten thousand dollar marker, stay all day everyday, win your entire years salary in a day and give more white chips to the cocktail waitress than your tired ass. So one day all the whales are on with an average of ten flat with a thousand odds across the board, and god help you if the dice move slow, a payout is a dollar short, or the dice hit you in the hands. 

This one particular cheap millionaire had a good twenty minute roll making all the non-tippers money when a middle aged woman walked up to the table and bought in for twenty bucks. Me being on stick at the time, I spotted right away that she didn't know the first thing about craps, and couldn't figure out what to bet on. The dealer on base was obviously too busy with all the action to explain squat to her, so I watched her hesitantly start to put her twenty bucks into the field VERY SLOWLY. Not to miss a golden opportunity to ruin a roll and humiliate a player I immediately sent the dice out without saying a word, leaned back, smiled and got ready for the fireworks that I knew were going to come. 

The player grabbed the dice and threw them hard, hitting the poor woman right on the hand while she was still reaching for the field, and sure as shit, you know what happened next: OUT SEVEN! The shouted shouted " YOU FUCKING STUPID FAT BITCH!", and all the players shouted at the floor to "get her off the goddamn fucking table!". The woman bursted into tears and ran off the table, and the players were so steamed they all colored up and left. I still get called a 'heartless bastard' by my coworkers for that one, but even they laugh every time they tell it to a new dealer.

2003 EMPLOYEE MANUAL ANONYMOUS ATLANTIC CITY CASINO

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor you are able to come to work.


SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breech of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called "Days off"

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled during your off time.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. This exchange must be submitted in writing to your Employer & supervisor for approval. In addition there is a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny dealers will get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size dealers will get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat dealers will get 5 minutes for lunch because that is all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.
Management

While working on a river Boat Casino in the midwest, our director of gaming informed all the employees he was leaving and taking a job in Florida. So this meant a search for a new Director of gaming was on. After a couple of weeks, a new director was chosen, and he introduced himself to all of the employees. I could tell that this guy was a shit talking lump, that didnt know a hard way  from a hard on. I had heard from people that had worked  with him in the past he wasnt to be trusted, but being the "Pit Manager" I was.........I trusted the dork. 

He started by eliminating the pit managers position, and brining in his buddies from around the area, who where too dumb to get jobs anywhere else, and the guys he played poker and golf with. Then to top things off, he made everyone that was demoted re-apply for the  jobs most of us had for years. ( starting at base pay of course)

Then he promoted a girl who had been with the casino  for about two , to assistant casino manager. ( and by  the way, she was given the answers to the test for the position) A girl who spent four years as a dual rate  floor in another casino, and only knew two games, Mini-Bac, and Blackjack. Well, as you guessed, once she had the "Big girls" suit on, she knew everything!!

While standing floor in the dice pit, a player threw the dice, and yep you guessed it........a suspended die, hanging between two bets, not even touching the layout. 

Well me being the smart ass I was, I called her to make the call, knowing she doesn't know craps ( I doubt she could spell it too) I told her that I couldn't make  the call because I was a lowly floor, and required her "vast expertise" in the daily operations of the casino to make the call. She looked at me, then the die,  looked back at me, then the die, (resembling a deer in the head lights) and told me to make the call.......I told her "I don't know what to call, I'm just a floor with 12 years experience" 

Well, you guessed it.........SEVEN OUT! she called, and the fireworks started. Me?........I just walked away with a smile.

The moral of this story kids is this....."sleeping your way to the top will get you there, but the people you stepped on while doing so, are still there to kick the ladder out from under you" 

Well, it is not a story, actually it is a song for all the crapless craps dealers out there...........

We Four Dealers of Crapless Craps
(to the tune of We Three Kings or Orient Are)
lyrics by Alicia Ross

Verse 1

We four dealers of crapless craps
Can't deal fast because it hurts our backs
Improper bets on twelve
My mind has gone to hell
When do I get my break

Chorus

Boxman, please, these players are stroke
Working our asses, not making tokes
The players they roll
Point, seven, oh no
Mucking up the layout again

Verse 2

On stick it is prop action hell
Thank god there are no hop bets to sell
Cant lose on the come out
I book four horn and then shout
When do I get my break

Repeat Chorus

Verse 3

On first base I tap into a mess
Paying people right must be my new test
Two and twelve bought
The dice have been shot
When do I get my break

Repeat Chorus

Verse 4

By third base I am starting to wheeze
A player throws a hundred across "if you please"
I grab a stack of red
I wish I were dead
When do I get my break

Repeat Chorus

Verse 5

Om my break I sit down an cry
Drinking my coffee and wanting to die
I hate dealing this game
I am going insane
I don't want to go back from break

Repeat Chorus

Verse 6

Sitting box I am shaking my head
Almost wishing I wan in blackjack instead
My brain is in traction
from way too much action
When do I get my break

Repeat Chorus